When Self-Compassion Wasn’t Just a Tip—It Was the Only Way Through

I was at work when a message landed that made my stomach drop. My chest tightened, my mind went blank, and tears pricked. With less than ten days until we were due to leave, I learned my son’s passport was out of date. I’m usually organised, so this news hit me for six.

For a moment I just stared at the screen, thinking, is this the thing that finally breaks me after such a tough year?

Then the voice I’ve offered to so many clients nudged me: Slow your breathing. Let your body lead your mind back to calm.

So, I did. In for 3… out for 6. Again and again, until the fog lifted.

Once my body settled, my brain came back online. I cancelled the rest of my day—I wasn’t in a state to be fully present with clients—and moved into problem-solving: what forms we needed, where to get photos, how to lodge everything by close of business.

On the drive home I swung between practical planning and near-panic. The self-criticism came hard and fast: I’m irresponsible. I’m a terrible mum. Catastrophising joined in: We’ll miss the cruise. The boys will blame me—and they’d be right.

That’s when my “psych brain” asked, what would I say to a client right now? The answer was easy: Give yourself a break. You’ve had an incredibly stressful couple of years. Things slip when you’re carrying that much. Practice self-compassion.

So, I used the simple three-step approach I teach:

1. Notice what you’re feeling.
2. Normalise it—remember this is part of being human.
3. Respond with kindness, the way you would to a dear friend.

Mine sounded like this: I’m feeling waves of shame and anxiety. Lots of people forget important things under stress. It’s okay to make mistakes, sweetheart. It’s okay. You’ll figure it out.

The shift was immediate. Self-judgment had me stuck; self-compassion helped me cope and keep going. I returned to those steps many times over the next few days while we waited (impatiently) for the passports. Was I still stressed? Absolutely. But it was far more manageable with kindness than with criticism.

If you’re curious about building your own self-compassion toolkit, stay tuned for my next post—I’ll break these steps down so you can practice them anytime, anywhere.

P.S. The passports arrived on the Friday before our Monday departure, and we had a great holiday.

Warm regards

Michelle Grosvenor