Have you ever wanted to change something in your life — start exercising, cut back on alcohol, or stop doom-scrolling — but nothing seems to stick?
You’re not alone. That cycle of trying and failing is familiar to almost everyone, which is why New Year’s resolutions so often turn into clichés.
Behavioural change is hard. And if you’re living with anxiety or depression, it can feel even harder:
- motivation is low
- self-doubt is loud
- even the smallest tasks can feel overwhelming
The good news? Change is still possible — it just may need a gentler approach.
Unexpected Teachers: Donkey Rehabilitation Trainers
I came across an interesting excerpt in The House That Joy Built by Holly Ringland about donkey rehabilitation.
Donkeys are sensitive animals — if you push them too quickly, they freeze or resist. Trainers who work with traumatised donkeys use a method called shaping behaviour:
- breaking movements into tiny, achievable steps
- repeating them slowly
- building trust one step at a time
It struck me how well this approach applies to people, especially those struggling with anxiety or depression. Adopting a donkey-training mindset can help us create change that actually lasts.
A Donkey-Training Approach to Change
1. Break it down — really down
Take your goal and reduce it to the smallest possible action.
Example:
- Want to walk every morning? Start by putting on your shoes and standing at the door.
- Do that for a few days.
- Then walk to the letterbox.
- Then to the end of the street.
Small, consistent progress beats big, fleeting bursts.
2. Go at your pace
Skip the deadlines.
The point isn’t to “fix” the behaviour straight away — it’s to introduce it gently, without overwhelm. Anxiety and depression can make us feel like we’re “behind,” but there’s no race here.
3. Write it down
Make a list of micro-steps and tick them off.
Even tiny wins help build structure and confidence when life feels heavy. For example:
- Brush teeth
- Eat breakfast
- Get dressed
Gentle, Patient, Repetitive
Change doesn’t have to come from force.
For people living with anxiety or depression, the most reliable way forward is often gentleness: patience, tiny steps, and repetition.
Think like a donkey trainer: move slowly, be kind to yourself, and celebrate the small wins.
💡 If you’d like support trying this approach, the team at Associated Psychology Practice can help you break goals into manageable steps and build a plan that fits your life.
Warm regards
Isabelle Peters, Mental Health Accredited Social Worker
This donkey training stuff is absolutely *brilliant*, right? Who knew the secret to lasting change was being as patient as a donkey rehabilitation expert? My goal is to drink less coffee, and apparently, the first step is just… acknowledging the coffee mug exists. Slow, kind progress – its almost revolutionary! Thanks, Isabelle, for reminding us that wanting to finally sort our lives out doesnt mean we need to suddenly become superhuman. Tiny steps, big wins, and definitely no rush. Now, wheres my list of micro-goals? Off to put my *one* sock in the laundry. Progress!basketball stars io
Thanks for the feedback, Kind regards Michelle Grosvenor, Principal Psychologist
This donkey training stuff is hilariously relatable! Who hasnt frozen when asked to do something slightly too exciting? Breaking goals down to *just putting shoes on* is a genius, if slightly patronizing, idea. And yes, skipping deadlines is peak strategy – my inner donkey agrees wholeheartedly. Thanks for the gentle nudge, Isabelle! Now, about that celebrate small wins advice… Ill start once Ive successfully navigated getting out of bed without crying. Keep the slow, kind steps coming! #MoveGently #EarlyRise #Winningact 2 by runway ai