Not long ago, I came across a meme on Facebook that stopped me in my tracks.
It featured an image of a snake with this caption:
“When a snake bites you, you don’t chase the snake to find out why it bit you or try to prove that you didn’t deserve it—you get medical attention.”
Let that sink in for a moment.
As a therapist—and as a human—that message hit home. I realised that, even with all my training and insight, I had spent a lot of emotional energy chasing explanations from people who hurt me. I wanted to understand their motives. I wanted to prove I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I was chasing the snake.
That meme became a catalyst for deeper self-reflection. Through a guided journaling process, I uncovered a core belief that had quietly shaped so much of my behaviour since childhood:
“If someone hurts me, it must be my fault.”
Oof. That belief had lived in the background for years, feeding feelings of inadequacy and the painful sense that I was somehow “less than.”
My adaptive response to that belief was over-functioning—trying too hard, doing too much, aiming for perfection. I was driven to prove I didn’t deserve to be hurt. That I was worthy of respect, honesty, and kindness.
But here’s the thing: that kind of over-functioning, while it may have served a purpose in the short term, eventually morphed into something else. Sometimes, when I was ticking every box and striving at full capacity, I’d find myself slipping into a sense of being “better than”—a coping mechanism to temporarily escape the pain of feeling “less than.”
It’s uncomfortable to admit, but also incredibly freeing. Because awareness creates space for change.
The real shift came when I decided to stop doing two things:
- Stop chasing explanations from those who hurt me.
Their behaviour says more about them than it does about me. - Stop trying to prove them wrong.
I don’t need to justify my worth. I deserve healing because I matter—not because I’ve done enough.
Instead, I began to redirect my focus to what really matters:
My own healing. My own growth. My own peace.
If any part of this resonates with you, I invite you to pause and reflect. Are you chasing the snake? Are you trying to earn the kindness, safety, or love you already deserve?
If you’re finding these patterns hard to unravel on your own, you’re not alone. Therapy can offer a safe space to unpack these beliefs and begin to build something more compassionate in their place.
You’re warmly invited to reach out to our team at Associated Psychology Practice to book a session with one of our experienced therapists,
Warm regards
Michelle Grosvenor
Principal Psychologist
