When we share parts of ourselves—our time, energy, emotions, or personal information—we’re giving someone access to us. Ideally, this access should match the level of respect and responsibility they show in handling what we share.
Think of this like a sliding scale:
- The more respectful and responsible someone is with our trust, the more access they can safely have.
- The less respectful or careless someone is, the less access they should have—to protect our well-being.
Problems arise when we give someone Level 7 access, but their actions only show a Level 2 in respect and responsibility. This mismatch can lead to hurt, burnout, and boundary violations.
The good news is access is fluid. When someone shows more care and accountability, access can increase. If they break trust or act disrespectfully, access can be adjusted down.
A simple visual guide
If we draw a diagonal line from the bottom-left to the top-right, it shows healthy alignment—access matches behaviour. When someone’s behaviour is below that line, it signals a need to reduce access to restore balance.
Problem zone:When behaviour is low (e.g., Level 2) but access remains high (e.g., Level 7). This is where emotional harm, stress, or boundary issues are more likely. Reducing access helps restore safety and balance.
This graph shows the ideal path of balanced relationships (the diagonal line). When someone’s behaviour falls short, but access remains high (like the red X at Level 2 behaviour with Level 7 access), it enters the “problem zone” — where emotional harm, stress, or boundary issues are more likely.
This visual can help you feel empowered to adjust access levels fluidly, not out of punishment, but from self-respect and emotional safety.
Finding the right balance—and adjusting boundaries as behaviour changes—can be challenging. If you’d like support, please contact Associated Psychology Practice on 02 4722 3137 to book an appointment with one of our warm, compassionate, and experienced clinicians.
You can also explore more resources (blogs and tip sheets) on our website: https://app-practice.com.au/blog/
Warm regards,
The team at Associated Psychology Practice
